he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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