I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
