Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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