oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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