so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
