It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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