I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
