So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
