I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
