He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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