I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
