These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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