a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
