Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize