he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
