i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize