She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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