Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
