i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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