i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
