WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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