he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
