i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
