I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
