And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
