Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
