just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
