After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
