Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
