Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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