How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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