If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
