Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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