i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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