Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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