12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Are we still banned from the library?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize