apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
