i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
