he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They have beer where we have blood.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize