i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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