He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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