he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
