wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
