I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
