I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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