if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize