he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
