I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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