Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
