we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
