Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
