the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
