Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
