I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
