I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
