She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You are the jesus of drinking
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
