I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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