Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
