Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
