Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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