Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
