Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
