You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
