i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
