Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
