I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
