thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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